The Brutal Truth

Sometimes that honest truth about motherhood really is brutal, & it definitely isn’t funny. Alright, settle in. Setting the sarcasm & silliness aside this time. It turns out motherhood is freakin’ hard. I mean that’s my niche, right. That’s the whole reason why I started writing Ticking Time Momb in the first place! Exposing motherhood….

The Two Year Old has no concept of safety.

He “laughs in the face of danger,” if you will. There are times that we allow him to test the boundaries of safety-ness. By “allow,” I mean that we’ve already warned him several times against whatever injury-inflicting activity he’s doing & he’s blatantly ignoring us. So fine. Do your cool jump off the couch &…

Not Your Mother’s Diet Trick

If you’re here thinking you’re about to read about some crazy diet trick about corn & coffee, well then you’re probably new here Because if you’re familiar with this Ticking Time Momb, you’d know good & well the only “diet trick” I know is: “Get the organic fruit snacks instead of the regular ones, that…

It’s the little things the Toddler does…

…that are slowly eating away at my sanity… For example: The Toddler begged me for this Lightning McQueen chicken noodle soup Which I happily prepared for him because OMG HE IS FINALLY WILLING TO EAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BLUEBERRIES & CHEEZ-ITZ. Well, now it’s raining Lightning McQueen noodles in my dining room & all the…

Can we just talk about Moana for a second?

I should start by saying I freaking LOVE Moana. The character, the movie, the story line, the soundtrack. I love how Moana is a strong, independent woman WHO DON’T NEED NO MAN & has more sass than my 73 year old southern grandma. But you know what I love about Moana more than anything? When…

Raffi

Do you know how hard it is to feel like a bad ass when listening to Raffi? I recently upgraded the Mom Taxi to a MILF Wagon. Manual transmission, spitfire orange, brand spanking new… I thought I was the coolest mom in the carpool rotation. But when you roll up blasting “Down By the Bay”…

I already don’t brush my hair enough as it is.

My hair is a hot diggity mess 93% of the time. But if I don’t pull a brush through my 47lbs of thick, frizzy, Italian hair every once in a while, anyone who looks at me turns to stone. So imagine my horror when my ONLY HAIRBRUSH GOES MISSING. One minute, the Toddler was using…

Mom Discrimination

So when the Toddler dramatically spills himself upon the staircase with his blankie & starts groaning, “MOMMMMMMM… GO BEDDDDDDDDD….” He’s just a precious sleepy angel. But when I dramatically spill myself upon the staircase & beg for bed, I’m just an embarrassing lightweight. Apparently having 2 1/2 glasses of wine & a lack of depth…