Birth Control.

When someone asks me when we are having another baby, I show them this picture. At first, you see my disgusting, neglected, filthy backseat. You can practically smell the curdled milk that has crystallized into the cloth interior. Stale Cheerios and miscellaneous snacks are littered throughout & smashed into every crevice. There's even a refugee…

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First Degree Sleep Deprivation

You always hear things like "Sure, you lose a lot of sleep when you become a parent. But your child needs you at all hours of the day! It's not like they're deliberately causing sleep loss! They don't mean any harm!" Sorry to break it to you but THESE BABIES HAVE GOT YOU ALL FOOLED!!!…

All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and eat my bowl of cereal…

The moment the milk hits the cereal, Toddler craps his pants. Now I have to wrestle a poopy, smelly toddler because diaper changes are now "the end of the world." Set the cereal bowl on the end table... "BISKIT GET AWAY FROM MY FOOD!!!" The Chihuahua is standing on the end table eating my Captain…