Snow Day Parenting Fail

  Sooo… we accidentally dropped the Toddler on his face in the snow🤦‍♀️🤣       Sorry bud, but we’re from Las Vegas. We know just about as much as you do about snow & you’re like 3 so obviously not much. But we learned a lot for next time… like we know now that…

Bedtime with the Toddler

After 2 hours⏰, 4 books📚, 7 songs🎵, 17 escape attempts🏃‍♂️, 13 tuck-ins🛌, 3 sippy cup refills🍼, 4 meltdowns😭, 2 plea bargains🙏 & .3mL of Benadryl☠… The Toddler is now kicking the wall to the beat of “We Will Rock You” & I’m stuck working nursery security until the Benadryl knocks his ass out. So yeah…

Mom Life: Counting Down the Seconds until Inevitable Detonation

The name Ticking Time Momb symbolizes the anger, aggravation, & frustration that comes with being a mom. Moms are constantly seconds away from detonation. We really do try to defuse the bomb most of the time. Oftentimes we successfully clip the correct disarming wire👏👍 But if you’re anything like me, there are days you don’t…

Tips for Visiting the New Mom of 2

While I’m still here dry swallowing birth control pills mid panic attack in the pharmacy drive-thru, My wonderful Mom Friend & her husband welcomed their second beautiful child into the world! Since my 2 year old is a walking, talking contraceptive, I plan on using their baby to satisfy my baby hunger. It’s awesome. I…

Parasites Who Feed Off Brain Cells

I read somewhere that the best way to clean a microwave is to put 1/4 cup lemon juice & 1/2 cup water in a microwavable bowl for 5 minutes. Then you let it sit for 2 minutes so the lemony steam gets all up in the remains of the Chef Boyardee & Spaghetti O explosions….

Today’s Meltdown Brought to You By a DVD

Since we stream almost all of our movies, the Toddler is not familiar with DVD’s or how they work… All he knows is that they are confusing & he HATES them. The Toddler thought the disc was a frisbee & the case was a book. So when I put his frisbee in the DVD player…

The Mom Friend

Let’s be real. This whole mom gig is the loneliest thing ever. How is it that we literally birthed our very own personal stalker & we feel more alone than ever? I mean this kid forces me to make eye contact while I’m taking a poop. It’s hard to rationalize these feelings of loneliness with…