Raffi


Do you know how hard it is to feel like a bad ass when listening to Raffi? I recently upgraded the Mom Taxi to a MILF Wagon. Manual transmission, spitfire orange, brand spanking new... I thought I was the coolest mom in the carpool rotation. But when you roll up blasting "Down By the Bay" … Continue reading Raffi

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I already don’t brush my hair enough as it is.


My hair is a hot diggity mess 93% of the time. But if I don't pull a brush through my 47lbs of thick, frizzy, Italian hair every once in a while, anyone who looks at me turns to stone. So imagine my horror when my ONLY HAIRBRUSH GOES MISSING. One minute, the Toddler was using … Continue reading I already don’t brush my hair enough as it is.

Mom Discrimination


So when the Toddler dramatically spills himself upon the staircase with his blankie & starts groaning, "MOMMMMMMM... GO BEDDDDDDDDD...." He's just a precious sleepy angel. But when I dramatically spill myself upon the staircase & beg for bed, I'm just an embarrassing lightweight. Apparently having 2 1/2 glasses of wine & a lack of depth … Continue reading Mom Discrimination

Birth Control.


When someone asks me when we are having another baby, I show them this picture. At first, you see my disgusting, neglected, filthy backseat. You can practically smell the curdled milk that has crystallized into the cloth interior. Stale Cheerios and miscellaneous snacks are littered throughout & smashed into every crevice. There's even a refugee … Continue reading Birth Control.

Please Don’t Give My Kid That Freakin’ Balloon


You see a cute kid in the grocery store line reaching for the $15 Spongebob balloon screeching “MOAN-AN! MOAN-AN! PEAS?! MOAN-AN!” ("Moan-an" translates to "balloon") Naturally, you want to give the kid a balloon because he really is adorable and look how much he loves balloons… Look, grocery store clerk, I know you mean well … Continue reading Please Don’t Give My Kid That Freakin’ Balloon