Is mom A) planting rose bushes or B) digging dad’s grave?
The answer is C) Both.
Let’s talk about anger for a second.
I’m sure with a name like Ticking Time Momb, it won’t surprise you when I say I suffer from Motherhood-induced anger.
To be honest, I’ve always been a bit of a hot head. My mom blames her Scicillian side of the family for our passionate, loud personalities.
“Our blood boils hotter,” is what she’s always said.
Okay I’m sure Scicillian’s aren’t any angrier than average, but it’s easier to blame my anger/rage on that than actually facing the real reasons why I go from 0-60MPH into a solid wood door (RIP my hand/wrist).
As a mom this is totally unacceptable behavior.
Moms aren’t supposed to punch a wall or throw their phones across the room. Moms aren’t supposed to scream at the top of their lungs when no one will leave her alone. Moms aren’t supposed to lose their cool.
Moms are supposed to be rock steady. Moms are supposed to have it together when the world falls apart. Moms are supposed to set an example for their children when it comes to navigating big emotions.
But just like most things in motherhood, what we’re supposed to do versus what we actually do, don’t exactly match up.
The reality for me and a lot of moms out there is that being a mom is god damn infuriating.
I get angry when I feel out of control.
I get angry when something goes differently from what I expected.
I get angry when I don’t feel respected.
I get angry when I am interrupted.
And guess what? Every single one of those things are side effects of raising a kid.
So yeah, I get pissed off sometimes. Am I supposed to? Probably not. Am I human? Absolutely.
During this quarantine, maybe some of you are experiencing “mom rage” for the first time. Maybe you’re reading this thinking, “This all sounds relatable but I’m not Scicillian sooo….” I promise you don’t have to be a hot-headed italian lady to have mom rage.
Anger is triggered by a lot of different things for a lot of different people. How you handle anger is based on how you were taught to deal with anger as an adolescent.
Personally, coming from generations of people who believe their blood just runs hot, I wasn’t really taught healthy ways to get through the rage as a kid.
Now that I have my own child, I can now see how contagious that anger can be if it’s not harnessed correctly… and it scares the shit out of me.
So today, I felt myself starting to boil over. It happens pretty quickly so I had to think fast.
Step 1) Remove Self
Step 2) Breathe. Try to calm down.
Step 3) If I can’t calm down, I find a way to release the anger.
Today, instead of releasing the anger on a wall or my front door, I chose to release my anger on some yard work.
I tore at the ground ripping out weeds and debris. I severed a deep root with the tip of a small, sharp shovel. I dug in the dirt, threw rocks across the yard, and by the time I was done, I was exhausted, filthy, and anger free.
Plus now I have 3 adorable new rose bushes planted in the earth instead of spending another day in a plastic bucket.
I don’t know the cure-all to “mom rage,” all I do know is that I feel a hell of a lot better than I did at the start of today, and that’s a start.
During this quarantine, be sure to recognize your anger triggers and try to avoid them. Remember the steps:
2) Calm Down
3) Healthy Release
And finally, reach out to someone and talk about your anger. The more you bottle it up, the harder it will be on you and your family.
How do you deal with “mom rage?” What unhealthy ways do you release anger?
What healthy techniques do you use to release anger?
Let me know in the comments!