Pairing Kid Snacks with Adult Beverages


Fun Fact about this Momb: I was born & raised in the beautiful city of Las Vegas! When I turned 19, I got a job working on The Strip & have been stuck in these golden handcuffs ever since.

Today I am a server in a fine dining restaurant. This is certainly not my dream career, but these Vegas Golden Handcuffs are really tight & until my writings are discovered by a major publishing company & make me dirty stinkin’ rich, I’m stuck waiting tables.

While there are dozens of things I’ve learned in my serving career, there’s one skill I’d like to share with you: food and beverage pairings.

Exciting stuff, I know.

Bear with me, I have a point.

When you become a parent your pantry starts to look like an elementary school snack shack… that also sells half empty bottles of wine… and old bottles of liquor that you’ve had since college.

So, what is a parent to do with all this mix-matched array of snacks and alcohol?

Pair them, of course!

You don’t need a $80 steak to enjoy a nice glass of wine!

I’ve created this guide for the parents who want enjoy their adult beverage but have nothing else to pair it with other than their kids snacks.


A Guide to Pairing
Kid Snacks with Adult Beverages


Wine

  • Cabernet Sauvignon + Slim Jim

You can’t go wrong with a fatty steak with your glass of Cabernet. But since an $80 New York Strip isn’t on tonight’s menu, just grab yourself a Slim Jim at the gas station. Same same.

  • Pinot Noir + Spaghetti O’s

This light red wine pairs nicely with tomato-based sauces because of its lighter composition. Pinot Noir will pair beautifully with most of Chef Boyardee’s tomato sauce pastas.

  • Moscato D’Asti + Strawberry Poptart

Enjoy that poptart you found at the bottom of your purse with a cold sweet, fruity glass of Moscato D’Asti

  • Chardonnay + Goldfish

Combine this crisp, dry white wine with a handful of some stale Goldfish you found in your glovebox to enhance its fruity, apple and pear notes.

  • Riesling + Fruit Snacks

Reisling’s main flavor characteristics are berries, fruit, and citrus which are the exact same flavor characteristics of fruit snacks. Use the gummies as a garnish if you’re feeling fancy or just drop them right into the glass for an extra sweet refreshing drink.


Cocktails

  • Mimosa + Stale Potato Chips

For those Sunday mornings when you’ve already had to ground both your kids and it’s only 10AM, grab that mimosa and lock yourself in the pantry. Luckily salt enhances the flavor of champagne, so that stale bag of Lays won’t have to go to waste afterall.

  • Vodka Soda + Sandwich Crusts

Dark breads are one of the many pairing options of vodka. Be sure to save those crusts your toddler demanded that you cut off to pair with your vodka soda.

  • Bloody Mary + Chicken Nuggets

Bloody Mary’s can pretty much go with anything, including the 2 ½ leftover chicken nuggets sitting on the counter from your toddler’s Happy Meal.

  • Margarita + Nachos Lunchable

Margaritas are the perfect pair for all Mexican Cuisine. Good thing Lunchables were on sale for 10 for $10 today.

  • Gin + Tonic + Gerber Strawberry Yogurt Melts

Counter the bite of the tonic and juniper flavor of gin with the soft, refreshing goodness of your baby’s Yogurt Melts. Baby food or not, those things are freakin’ delicious.

*Helpful Tip* All out of mixers? Think again! I’ll bet there’s at least 47 Capri Suns leaking in the bottom drawer of your outside fridge.


 

Beer

  • Indian Pale Ales (ex. Laguinitas) + French Fries

Hoppy beers pair best with fried or salty foods. The salt and fat tone down the bitterness and enhance the malt undertone. A large fry and an IPA is a perfectly acceptable dinner for moms.

  • Wheat Beer (ex. Blue Moon) + Fruit Loops

Wheat beers are pretty versatile when it comes to food pairings. A fruitier wheat beer, such as Blue Moon would pair nicely with those Fruit Loops you’re always eating out of the box at midnight.

  • Light Lagers (ex. Budlight) + Sliced Hot Dog with Ketchup

Light lagers are refreshing, and can be paired with almost anything, including that hot dog your kid begged you to make and is now refusing to eat.


So there you have it!

Share your pairing suggestions in the comments!

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