The Toddler has reached a new milestone!
Now, when he poops in his diaper, it’s not just a little baby poop. It is a full-blown, real-human, diverse-diet poop.
His poop is officially at an all time gross high and I don’t know how much more my nostrils/gag reflex can take.
So we decided to start potty training….
Like 8 months ago….
But hey, potty training is freakin’ hard.
Everyone makes it look so easy with their sticker charts & their routines & their prizes.
But the reality of potty training is hard because it doesn’t make any sense!
YOU try explaining to a Toddler why they have to poop in a toilet.
Think about it.
They’ve never had to worry about where or when they were going to do their business.
Since the day they were born, they could poop wherever and whenever they wanted and had their own personal clean up crew to boot!
Now try telling them that if they have to relieve themselves, they have to stop whatever they’re doing, locate a toilet, undress themselves, sit still for unknown amount of time, wipe successfully, flush, & then redress themselves.
Basically you’re asking them to do every single thing that they HATE & FOR WHAT?!
So they can go to school? Or wear undies? Or to be promoted from “Baby” to “Big Kid?”
Who in their right mind would want any of that, anyway?!
It’s a pretty devastating point in a person’s life when you no longer have the freedom to leisurely crap your pants.
What was once a mindless, carefree release suddenly becomes this stressful, uncomfortable burden!
There will be that moment when the Toddler chugs 20oz of fruit punch and has to go pee-pee reaaaal bad but now has to wait an entire 5 minutes until he gets home… let me just tell you, those are the most traumatizing 5 minutes of that kid’s life.
Do you remember the first time you ever had to hold it?
No you don’t because it was so horrible and agonizing that your brain went ahead and repressed it for you.
Once you have to start using a toilet to relieve yourself, that’s the moment life stops getting easier & starts getting a lot harder.
So yeah, potty training is proving to be pretty difficult.
The Toddler will ask “WHY?! WHY DO I HOLD IT? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO IN DA POTTY?” & I have such a hard time answering him.
How do you tell a 3 year old that the reason he has to derail his entire day just to relieve himself is simply because his poop is gross & no one wants to clean up after him anymore?
Because that’s the real answer. It’s not for any other reason other than it’s incredibly gross and inconvenient for us parents.
We can try to blame it on school or sanitary reasons or whatever but we all know it’s because we’re lazy & sick of touching our kids feces.
Since I can’t exactly tell the Toddler that, I give a simpler, more reasonable explanation, such as,
“If you don’t go poop on the potty, your butthole will fall off.”
Not my best work but highly effective.
He hasn’t pooped in a diaper since.
So if you’re like us & you’re struggling with potty training,
First, I suggest trying to understand their perspective that having to use a toilet is pretty inconvenient & having to hold-it is practically mid-evil torture.
Second, drop the whole “reasonable explanation” thing. For real results, simply come up with the most ridiculous/slightly frightening excuse as to why they have to use the toilet.
Good luck to you all!
If you need me, I’ll be scrubbing human pee out of the living room rug until we can figure this potty training thing out.