The Two Year Old has no concept of safety.

He “laughs in the face of danger,” if you will.

There are times that we allow him to test the boundaries of safety-ness.

By “allow,” I mean that we’ve already warned him several times against whatever injury-inflicting activity he’s doing & he’s blatantly ignoring us.

So fine. Do your cool jump off the couch & bust your chin on the coffee table.

Maybe you’ll listen to the advice next time… (he won’t).

But then there are times where we have to save him from his fearlessness in order to avoid serious injury or a CPS case.

Today, for example, we were enjoying a nice summer afternoon at the water park.

Well, not only did the Toddler want to climb up a waterslide, there were a couple of big kids barreling down said waterslide at the same time.

Instead of letting them plow into the Toddler like a bowling ball picking up a spare pin,

My husband yanked the nonobservant turd-baby out of the way.

Good job, Husband!

A decent person would be grateful to their rescuer…

But Toddlers are NOT decent people.

Toddlers are erratic, careless, unaware drunk people who yell at the bartender for cutting them off.

They’re not like “Hey thanks! I know you’re doing this for my own good,”


Instead they’re all, “NOOOO!!!” *indecipherable screeching* “NOOOO!!!!! MOREEE!!!” *extreme body flailing*

*collapses on ground*

*more indecipherable screeching*

& that’s exactly how our nice summer afternoon at the waterpark ended…

…with the Toddler equivalent of a drunk guy being escorted out of a bar & forced into a taxi.

Go home, Toddler. You’re drunk (too wreckless for your own good).

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