Parasites Who Feed Off Brain Cells

I read somewhere that the best way to clean a microwave is to put 1/4 cup lemon juice & 1/2 cup water in a microwavable bowl for 5 minutes. Then you let it sit for 2 minutes so the lemony steam gets all up in the remains of the Chef Boyardee & Spaghetti O explosions….

Today’s Meltdown Brought to You By a DVD

Since we stream almost all of our movies, the Toddler is not familiar with DVD’s or how they work… All he knows is that they are confusing & he HATES them. The Toddler thought the disc was a frisbee & the case was a book. So when I put his frisbee in the DVD player…

The Mom Friend

Let’s be real. This whole mom gig is the loneliest thing ever. How is it that we literally birthed our very own personal stalker & we feel more alone than ever? I mean this kid forces me to make eye contact while I’m taking a poop. It’s hard to rationalize these feelings of loneliness with…

The Brutal Truth

Sometimes that honest truth about motherhood really is brutal, & it definitely isn’t funny. Alright, settle in. Setting the sarcasm & silliness aside this time. It turns out motherhood is freakin’ hard. I mean that’s my niche, right. That’s the whole reason why I started writing Ticking Time Momb in the first place! Exposing motherhood….

The Two Year Old has no concept of safety.

He “laughs in the face of danger,” if you will. There are times that we allow him to test the boundaries of safety-ness. By “allow,” I mean that we’ve already warned him several times against whatever injury-inflicting activity he’s doing & he’s blatantly ignoring us. So fine. Do your cool jump off the couch &…

Not Your Mother’s Diet Trick

If you’re here thinking you’re about to read about some crazy diet trick about corn & coffee, well then you’re probably new here Because if you’re familiar with this Ticking Time Momb, you’d know good & well the only “diet trick” I know is: “Get the organic fruit snacks instead of the regular ones, that…

It’s the little things the Toddler does…

…that are slowly eating away at my sanity… For example: The Toddler begged me for this Lightning McQueen chicken noodle soup Which I happily prepared for him because OMG HE IS FINALLY WILLING TO EAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BLUEBERRIES & CHEEZ-ITZ. Well, now it’s raining Lightning McQueen noodles in my dining room & all the…